His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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