Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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