My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
