she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
