You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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