Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
