No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
