why didn't you poke me back
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
