What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Still dying that you shit outside
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
