she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
