i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
