It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
