I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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