I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
