I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize