This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
