I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize