I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
