My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
this just has baby written all over it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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