He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
