Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
