im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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