it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
