Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
