girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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