it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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