guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize