I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
