Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
