He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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