Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
