After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
