i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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