I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize