wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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