And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
