half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
