it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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