Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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