Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
