just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
