If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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