I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm bleeding and have questions
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
