I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
