Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
