were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
