you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
