4 words: hood of his car
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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