Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
