I must be too annoying 4 u.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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