i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
