Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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