I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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