you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
