Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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