I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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