when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize