i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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