I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
