My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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