Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
