Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
