Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
