she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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