I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
