i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
