I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
