i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
