That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
